One Foot in Front of the Other

Ten Things: January 2012

2012-02-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

A new year full of new and wonderful things. The wonderful things definitely aren't new. They all live here. That's reason enough to smile every month of the year.

Ten Things to Smile About: January 2012

My super cute girl sporting straw hair

Starting a new job and LOVING it.

Not lying in bed every morning wondering how to get out of going to work is truly a reason to smile.

An unexpected weekend night with E. Every movie is better when it's impromptu.

Basketball season

A fresh clean house and a new study spot for my sweet students

Unseasonably warm, sunny winter days

Enjoying a deluxe mani/pedi thanks to a Christmas gift certificate. THANKS, Mom!

A fun post-holiday outing to the USS Midway

A great night out with long time friends. It's been almost fifteen years since we worked together and it was so fun to catch up and have some laughs together.

My star student being recognized for his wonderful manners

On to February . . .

Linked with Emmy Mom

perfect

2012-01-28T20:02:00.000-08:00

everyone in my house is at odds tonight

the kids can't do anything right

e is overwhelmed and completely fed up with all of us

and

the combo of those things just makes me unbearably sad

we're a long, long way from perfect right now

but

our life really is wonderful

i needed the reminder

Don't cry for me

2012-01-26T20:13:00.001-08:00

This weekend my Mom will attend her fourth funeral in as many weeks. Four long time family friends who have left the earth She is wearing a brave face, but I know it hurts her. While I hurt for the loved ones they are leaving behind, and mostly for my Mama losing people dear to her, I cannot be dishonest and say that I am crushed. I may not have seen even one of those four in the last fifteen years. Each of them holds a place in my heart for when they were in my life, once upon a time, but I will not pretend to be mourning them as they were before they left.

One of them, though . . . One of them gets me a little more than the rest. She was my Mom's friend, but she was actually much closer to my age. In my memories of her she was in her twenties and I was in high school. She was funny and a little wild. She had the most Southern voice in the whole entire south and I loved her laugh.

She was forty five when she died this month and her son is fifteen. That one definitely gets me. I mourn for Drew and pray for his well being. I think of him every day and wonder a little why God chose her. Now.

While my tangible memory of her is mostly as a wildish twenty something my admiration for her is built on the battle she fought with leukemia. Very fast and very intense. She was on vacation with her family in August and came home more tired than usual. Um, hello. Have you ever been on a family vacation? Of course she was tired. But it was more than that.

She was diagnosed with leukemia in August and died just five months later. In those five months I followed her posts on Facebook and read her journal on CaringBridge.

Sheryl was not afraid to die and does not want anyone to mourn her. I am not that selfless just yet. My Mom shared a video of the most Southern voice in the whole south ministering to her husband's congregation on Mother's Day. That woman does not want me, or anyone else, to cry for her. She was confident and selfless because she knew with certainty that she was not alone. What a gift.

Are You Flourishing?

I'm not sad for her anymore, but I am worried about Drew. I hope he was listening when his Mama was talking and can take advantage of the foundation she gave him.

Rest your soul, sweet girl. Much love to you.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Back on Track

2012-01-21T22:08:00.000-08:00

It's been a while. I know. Somewhere between Thanksgiving Day and New Year' Eve I officially entered overload and my blog has suffered right along with the grocery shopping and laundry. Mrs. LP, please forgive me :)

There's never a dull moment in this house. Regardless of the season. Between my precious offspring, their charming Dad and the rock throwing dog (I promise there will be a post about this sometime soon) I can barely wedge in time for showers and hand cream. I've always blogged as a creative outlet and a way to stay connected. Then along came Arthur and the pending arrival of Santa. A welcomed houseguest. The requisite holiday festivities. And the job change. Mine. By choice. There just wasn't time for one more thing. Not one single thing.

Santa left hats for everyone!

But now we're norming, and I'm back.

I have a new job and I LOVE it. A whole dang lot. My last day in my former position was just two weeks ago and I can't even fathom why I stayed there for eight years. It seems like it might have been three years too many. My fond memories are very, very faint.

The Athlete and The Princess are still my precious offspring. They're so amazing. Really amazing. Just so smart and articulate. And healthy and funny. And seven and nine for only a few more weeks. I am cherishing them as much as possible. Not tolerating. Cherishing.

Their Dad is still charming. Really, really charming. And gifted. And good to me. He's been so very supportive and patient with me in my job transition. He is coaching two basketball teams again this season and he makes me so proud when I watch him with those boys. He is such a strong and talented leader to them and a wonderful man. When I pray I always say thank you for him first. He is a gift.

More posts to follow. One for sure about the rock throwing dog. And the fashion show that is my new office and the trip to Rome I am taking in a few weeks. Pictures of my beautiful kids for sure. And a post about loss that's been in my heart. And . . . There's always so much.

So much to be thankful for. So much to want to capture before it's gone. The blog is a written catalog of our moments. Like a photo album with tons of text. Not ever to be forgotten.

Happy New Year. It's good to be back.

The Adventures of Arthur

2011-12-08T12:27:00.000-08:00

There are so many gimmicks attached the holidays and our family usually foregoes them. I try really hard to spend time talking with the kids about the joy of giving and the significance of the season being a time of preparation and waiting for the birth of Jesus. We certainly get caught up in Santa Claus and the festiveness that goes along with Christmas, but try not to go overboard. There is one gimmick that got us and I am so glad.
My kids are seven and nine and have never had Elf on the Shelf. It seems like you need start this before your kids can even read and to do it for always. I missed the boat on it a long time ago and thought the opportunity had passed. Then I saw the flux of ideas on Pinterest (of course) that show the Elf doing all kinds of wacky things and had to give in. The Athlete and The Princess are just on the cusp of being too big, but they have the best sense of wonder and enthusiasm that makes this perfect for them. We’re having such a good time this week with our new pal, Arthur and the added bonus of The Princess getting out of bed without being asked so she can search for Arthur is fan.tas.tic. And hearing her say the word "hilarious" is pretty great, too.

I hope your days are merry and bright, too!

He came in for a crash landing and got stuck in the dining room chandelier

Using a holiday photo as a canvas to improve his art skills

He borrowed the dog’s reindeer ears for a dress up party with the Christmas bears

Benefits When Your Employment Ends

2011-12-07T15:58:00.000-08:00

The header on the file that's currently on my desktop reads "Benefits When Your Employment Ends". It does not make me smile.

For a girl that works PRIMARILY for the kick-ass benefits package that header is not comforting.

The good news: I did not lose my job. I am still employed. Very.Good.News.

The {less than} good news: my very stable US company was acquired by a growing company based in Canada. They are committed to aggressive growth and development and not as committed to health insurance, stock options and retirement plans.

Less than good news (for me). There is a lot of upside to the transaction and I truly am grateful to still be employed. But let's face it. It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

The cover page of the 38 page file also says this -

For U.S. employees whose employment transferred as a part of the sale/purchase of your company effective December 7, 2011. The PESP portion of this document constitutes part of a prospectus covering securities that have been registered under the Securities Act of 1933. The Stock Plans portion of this document constitutes part of a prospectus covering securities that have been registered under the Securities Act of 1933.

I am more interested in decking the halls than rolling over my pension. Please say a prayer that E and I make good decisions for our family this month and still take time to enjoy the magic of the season. I don't want to miss a moment of merry. Even Arthur the elf is counting on us for a safe landing.

Birthday Blessings

2011-12-05T14:34:00.000-08:00

Today would have been my Nanny's 92nd birthday. New Year's Day will mark the fourth anniversary of when I held her hand for the last time and I miss her terribly. If I could call her today and wish her a happy birthday I would be sure to sing in my clearest, happiest voice. No one ever made me happier or feel better than my Nanny did for most of my life.

When I pray with my children and tell them of the Lord's goodness I ALWAYS think of her. She was so faithful and steadfast. She would enjoy their enthusiasm and love for God so much. Psalm 23 was her favorite scripture. It reminds me of her. Just like hummingbirds, butterflies and homemade waffles. They were all uniquely her to me. Happy Birthday, little bird. I love and miss you so much.

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Amen.

Ten Things - November 2011

2011-12-02T14:13:00.000-08:00

I'm late to the party (notice a trend?) but I somehow feel like if I don't admit that another month went by then it won't really happen. Not true. I love joining Emmy to recount the months, every month. Not matter how fast it went. But this one hurt a little. Way. Too. Fast.

Ten Things to Smile About: November

The car service chauffeur agreeing to drop off the kids at school on my way to the airport. They were thrilled!

My super slick laptop and my sweet husband who went out at midnight on Black Friday to get it for me. We can Skype again!! Thank you, sweetheart!

A 2 year old, a 7 year old, an 11 year old, a {darling} 4 year old, another 7 year old, a 9 year old and a 10 year old cousin having the grandest time together. This makes me smile bigger than most anything that has happened to me lately. I am so in love with each of these kiddos for what makes them uniquely special and I especially love how much they love each other.

A {free} fancy dinner and seeing Blue Man Group with E and some fun colleagues.

Emily from Jones Design Company offering fantastic holiday printables that I am using like crazy. You're gonna love her as much as I do. I'm tellin' ya . . .

Telling myself that perfect is overrated (and believing it!!) and ordering my Christmas cards while they were on sale for Black Friday.

Celebrating my eleventh wedding anniversary with E. I feel so lucky to still be IN love with the father of my children. Truly.

Getting started on some handmade gifts

Enjoying the loveliest Thanksgiving that I can remember in a long time. Table settings, place cards, candlelight and amazing company. The evening absolutely, positively made up for us not being in Hawaii this year.

p.s. Anyone that can prepare a meal for 31 guests that is elegant, delicious and beautiful and still look this great is a hero to me. Love you, Aunt Linda!!

Beginning the celebration of Advent and sharing the joy of giving with my children. We have so much and Advent is the perfect time to reinforce with them that our bounty must be shared. It IS the most wonderful time of the year.

Flashback Friday

2011-11-18T06:47:00.000-08:00

Eleven years ago today we were standing in that tiny little church right on the edge of the ocean and we could see the waves rolling into the black rocks just outside the window. Our happily ever after started the moment that Reverend Alika chanted his blessing for us and Jamie Lawrence serenaded us.

For me, our wedding was magic. The moments freeze in time and I remember exactly what the waves sounded like when we approached the altar. I still see the way our Moms held hands on the way to light candles and how my Daddy cried all the way down the aisle asking me if I wanted to slow down.

Our family and friends sacrificed a lot to be in Maui with us on November 18, 2000 and I don't take any portion of that gesture for granted. Eleven years later I realize that it was only a moment and it is NOT what makes a marriage, but I am truly, deeply grateful for such a happy beginning to the life that E and I share.

For my love,

If I had known then what I know now I would have dragged my poor Daddy down the aisle even faster to get to you.

You are so much more than the handsome young man I married. You are the conservative to my liberal, the salty to my sweet and the mild to my wild. You still melt me with your big brown eyes and you can make me laugh like no one else in the whole entire world. I love the way you smell and how you reach for my hand before you fall asleep. I am awed by the way our kids look up to you, admire you and adore you. Their love for you as their Dad makes me love you more than anything I would have even imagined on that sunny afternoon in Makena. I am a better version of myself because you love me and I always want to be better because you don't deserve anything less.

Thank you for eleven years of happily ever after. I pray we'll be granted the opportunity to enjoy many, many more.

Happy Anniversary. I Love You

Flashback Friday

2011-11-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

Tuesday night was the end of another baseball season and ended with a heartbreaking one run loss. You do not want to be the gloating parent on the other team at 8:30 PM on a school night in front of this Mama who's son is cold and disappointed. You do not. My Athlete pitched two terrific innings and had a great final game. He always makes me so proud.

E coached the team this season and devoted a lot of time to making sure the boys were learning the fundamentals of the game. Those boys really look up to him and are learning how to play their positions correctly to take them far beyond this interim season. He is such a good and talented man and makes me very proud, too.

The first season he coached was spring four years ago and The Athlete had just turned five. It shouldn't have been that long ago. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. But then it does. He was such a tiny little guy sitting on that bucket.

There are some things though, that time doesn't change. How much I love these two is at the very top of the list. Always and forever.

Happy Happy

2011-11-10T06:51:00.000-08:00

My Dad and E's Mom share the same birthday. How likely is that? It seems special to me that we celebrate two people that mean so much to us on the same day. There are so many things to love about both of them . . .

My Dad is a southern gentleman and a warrior. He is intensely loyal, loves deeply and is no one's fool. He is well read and wildly intelligent. He would do anything in the world for you if you asked it of him. Anything. I love that he takes my children fishing and target shooting when we're there and alternately shops for cars and guns online.

My Daddy cries like a baby every time he sees me and it breaks my heart that he misses me so much. I don't think we've celebrated his birthday together in more than 20 years. That doesn't seem right.

He was REALLY hard on me when I was young. There were a lot of days that I wouldn't have gushed about how much I loved him, but now some of my favorite things about myself are only there because of him. I owe him a lot for trying so hard and loving so much.

When my Athlete was a baby he couldn't pronounce the word Grandma and just called her "Gra". There's part of my heart that wishes he still couldn't say Grandma because it was so darn sweet. He is 100% the son of her first born son and he has her heart. To see them together is something special.

The Princess is her mini me. Blonde hair and blue eyes only came from one place in our family. She provides an endless supply of chewing gum and lipstick to the little girl who loves her so deeply.

She is warm and generous to everyone and has never been anything but kind to me. I don't have to wonder how she must have felt when her son brought home a girl from 3,000 miles away. She was far more gracious than I will ever be capable of. But, I mostly love her because she raised such an amazing man. I am grateful to her every day for helping to make him all the things that I love so much. She is a role model for me as a mom to a son.

Our family is so blessed to still have Granddaddy and Gra to celebrate on their birthdays. We love them and cherish them more than words on a page can ever say. Happy Birthday to two of my favorite people on the planet. Many blessings for a year full of good health and lovely moments.

Gratitude for my Girl Crush

2011-11-07T12:12:00.000-08:00

Just this morning my heart took a turn to gratitude. With Thanksgiving being so close and Christmas literally around the corner I have made a vow to force myself out of our hectic pace and make the time to enjoy all of the goodness that is uniquely mine.

A warm home on a cold, rainy day.

Kids that want to splash in the rain and hold my hand while they're running.

A bath tub full of dirty water and a clean dog begrudgingly being "beautified" by a giggling seven year old holding a comb and a hair dryer.

This IS the good stuff. I absolutely know it and have allowed myself to overlook it a little too often lately.

And then there's my Girl Crush, Emily.

I use her lunch box note cards to brighten peanut butter crackers and apples.

Her JDC|monthly grocery lists, weekly calendars and note cards help keep me beautifully organized and inspired.

The Princess and I made glitter letters this weekend from her November project.

I love her a whole heckuva lot and she has really outdone herself this time.

The Thankful Tree she featured today will be in my home by the weekend. Mark my words. It has a perfect home on the console table behind the sofa.

thankfulness

I absolutely love this idea and love her for sharing it. Many thanks to you, Emily!

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. ~Cynthia Ozick

Ten Things ~ October 2011

2011-11-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

This week found me 3,000 miles from my computer at the end of October and I decided I'd better get this done before Thanksgiving. Every month seems to be a little shorter than the one before. How does that happen?!?!?

Ten Things to Smile About: October 2011

Adopting our sweet Hope. She is so good for Kate and we all think she is an angel.

Great teacher conferences for both of my wonderful kids. The words leader, exceptional and bright came up more than once. That is such a compliment and makes me so, so proud of them.

Receiving flowers as a thank you

Successfully making two great projects that I pinned

{via}

{via}

A new season of Cotillion starting

The innate kindness and responsibility that The Princess shows with our foster dog, Lucky

The Athlete's sense of commitment to baseball and how much confidence comes from doing well

Playtime with my itty, bitty niece C

A long overdue dinner and movie night with my E

The joy they get from Halloween

There's a lot of joy to be had in the world. The big things and the not so big. Counting them down is not a big thing, but taking the time to count them down and document them before the moment is too far gone is a treasure. Thank you, Emmy!!!

Flashback Friday

2011-10-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

For the last couple of months I have been telling E that we need to have family photos taken again. With The Athlete in braces and The Princess in her own world I feel our time with them slipping away. I feel it all the way into my heart.

He has an internal countdown clock that is tabulating the days, hours and minutes until he is 10. Double digits are ruling his world right now. I have no idea what he thinks is going to happen on that fateful day in February but turning 10 is everything to him right now.

We haven't tried lately, but I don't imagine he'd be all that willing right now to put on a white button down shirt and spend the whole afternoon looking at shells and rocks with his parents and his sister. I could be wrong. He does have a heart of gold.

I will always think he's the most darling six year old boy that ever, ever lived. I think he's holding a Matchbox car that he snuck to the photo session in his pocket. I love that.

The Princess is seven this year going on 17. Her could care less attitude crushes me and I just want better for her. I personally get a kick out of her inability to be destroyed by pettiness, but I want her to temper her sassy with sweet.

She is a talented and fierce soccer player. Her teacher told me yesterday that she reads 64 words a minute. WOW! I am so proud of her and intermittently terrified for her that I can't even organize my thoughts around it sometimes.

I miss this little wafer of a girl that looks so pretty with a blue bow in her hair. She may have been complaining just then that the sand was cold on her toes. That sounds just like what her four year old self would have said.

We paid for photos that day through a school fundraiser and spent another hour or so goofing around and taking photos on our own. The sun was shining on my precious children directly from heaven. I love how golden her hair shined. The sky was bluer than it should have been in October and the green moss on those rocks isn't any more spectacular in photos. All of it was pretty stunning that day. The most beautiful thing though was them. That day will never happen again, but I am blessed that it happened once in my lifetime.

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million. ~Walt Streightiff

Love Connection

2011-10-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I would go to the office late and we'd steal an hour for breakfast and a chat. We'd use a free Friday night to hire a sitter and have a casual dinner before a movie. We knew what was up with the kids and each other and we were CONNECTED.
That was before fall.

He's coaching a baseball team. Soccer practice and games take Friday evenings and Saturday mornings. Fourth grade is harder than we all expected. My days of slipping into the office a little late are over.

If you ask me how he's doing all I can say to you is "he is wonderful". And he is.

He is a wonderful Dad.

He is a wonderful Coach.

I'm honestly not sure right now if he is DOING wonderful, but he IS a wonderful man.

We had a chance over the weekend to spend a little time together and it was nice. We inevitably talked about family and deadlines and the stresses of impending adolescence, but we talked. We held hands on the sidewalk on the way to the restaurant. We weren't just their parents or the coach and the team mom. We were Mr & Mrs M. Just us trying to connect.

And I told him that above everything else that is piling onto our shoulders right now I am grateful for him. I am grateful that we are happy. I am so lucky he is mine.

I am pouring my heart out with Shell today about how blessed I feel to be in a happy marriage with my E. When we've done all we can do for our children and we send them into the world the only thing we'll have left is each other. That will be wonderful.

Flashback Friday

2011-10-14T05:42:00.000-07:00

We're rolling into anothe jam packed weekend and I am feeling a little misty eyed about how big my babies are getting. Our weekend will be full of soccer and baseball with a birthday party and basketball tryouts wedged in for good measure. Basketball season is always my favorite and it kills me to realize that this photo was only two seasons ago.

My {almost} ten year old athlete was just seven turning eight and his little sis was only five. He was still missing two front teeth and a long way from braces and the head gear that has made him cry at bedtime this week. She was so teeny tiny and would still let me dress her in team gear with a hair bow to match. Boy are those days OVER!!!

Happy Friday, friends. Hold on tight.

The Evolution of the Animals

2011-10-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time we had two dogs. Our big boy, Kramer and his sister, Kate. It was simple.

They coexisted like all siblings do. Sometimes they ignored each other. Sometimes they couldn't get enough of each other. Just like any brother and sister. They slept late. They ate brunch together. They slept some more. Sometimes they played.

On Labor Day we said goodbye to our dear old man at the age of 15.

It broke our hearts into pieces.

E and I were parents to a wild and crazy boy long before I gave birth to a wild and crazy boy. We loved him so very much and it hurt a lot to say goodbye.

Suddenly his sister had to go everywhere with us because she was heart broken, too.

She has been with us since she was a tiny pup and had never been without her brother. We decided to start contacting rescues to look for another sibling for her.

We met Mia

The Athlete fell in love with Drake

We played with Nevaeh and talked about Hershee

Then sweet little Lucky that we know well needed a home. She's living at our home for a while.

Almost immediately we got a wonderful opportunity to foster two pups and get to know them.

Kayla and Kona came to our house, too

In less than a week we went from one sad dog to FOUR dogs.

That might be too many.

Someone has not been thrilled with our choices.

We had to make a decision and we decided that we can keep one darling dog.

We chose Hope (aka Kayla)

She is getting a lot of attention and love

We will need to find a calm, quiet home for Lucky {everything our house is not!!!}, and Kona is living here until his rescue finds just the right home for him.

On our journey to find a new four legged friend, we've met a lot of really wonderful people who are committing lots of time and love to animals in need. If you or someone you know is looking for a pet, please encourage them to contact a local rescue. Their volunteers are such kind people and there are some very special pets that don't need anything besides the love of a family. We submitted applications to three rescue groups in Southern California and there are rescues all over the US.

www.stellashope.org

www.labradorsandfriends.org

www.labrescuers.org

Adopt - Don't Shop!!!

How Do You Give??

2011-10-11T12:14:00.001-07:00

The sun was too warm for an October afternoon. The sidewalk was only a few blocks from the beach, but this gentleman hadn't been anywhere near water for quite some time. He was wearing too many clothes for the heat but I suspected that it might have been his only clothes and wearing them was easier than carrying them. He clearly needed help but I couldn't decide what to do.

Why is that so hard? Why has the world become so dark and intense that I am afraid to give? I am convinced that any dollar given will go straight to an awful habit that I'm not willing to support. But my children are watching me walk straight by. They see me wishing to help and turning a blind eye anyway.

The Athlete was picking up a snack before an afternoon appointment and our time was limited. I asked him to pick up two of everything he was getting. A bottle of water, a bag of chips and a chunk of cheese.

The gentleman had finished the bag of chips before we even had seat belts on. I was struggling with the next step and I heard him from the back seat

"thank you for buying food for that man, Mom. He probably doesn't have someone to love him like you love me."

My heart broke and burst with pride in the same moment. I fundamentally know that giving anything is better than giving nothing, but often I don't. That day I got it right but that doesn't always happen. If I gave to everyone what would be left? Who needs it the most?

My heart is always in the right place, but I just never know exactly how to follow through on it. I want my children to grow up understanding the importance of charity, but never overlooking the significance of giving from the heart. I want them to know how to give.

How do you give?

Time?

Only money to pre-designated organizations?

To every one that crosses your path and needs help?

I am a terrible cluster of all of them and wish I knew if there was one right answer.

I found this sweet quote today - food for thought.

We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers. ~Seneca

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Flashback Friday

2011-10-06T23:04:00.000-07:00
This weekend marks the tenth birthday of one of the sweetest girls I know. She arrived less than a month after 9.11 and her middle name is Hope because her Mama saw her as hope for peace and happiness in the world.

She is.

She was born with this crazy pile of curly hair that her Grandma used to blow dry after baths.
She was uncommonly sweet and easy to care for as a baby.

She is six monthes older than the Athlete and is his constant sidekick at family events.
Birthdays, Easter, Christmas, parties because the sun is shining . . .
Those two are always side by side

She might even be cuter when she is hanging out with my guy :)

She is beautiful inside and out.

She is a kind and generous sister, cousin, niece and granddaughter.

She is smart and polite.
She is a great soccer player.

She is going to be ten this weekend and we are so blessed to have her in our family.

Happy Birthday, beautiful girl.
You are hope for the future

Greater Than One

2011-10-03T19:15:00.000-07:00
The post that is rattling around in my head should really be three {or four} posts. Big, well written posts. There is nothing sparkly or fluffy about what's going on around here lately.

There's the passing of our precious old dog and how we're working through that. The kids are doing better than E and me, but all of us are feeling it in different ways. He was such a big part of our family.

We're also focused pretty heavily on a new canine companion for our sweet doggie girl who has never been alone a day in her life and was suddenly left without her friend. She is needy by nature and her loneliness is not helping.

A lot of soul searching happens with us {E and me} when we are making big decisions.  It is surely a good thing that we don't take those things lightly, but on some levels it just makes everything more complex and cumbersome. Making decisions based on ALL the facts and how we feel about every facet of it is a little outside of my expertise, but it certainly is enlightening and encouraging to be truly honest. A dog is a big deal in our house. As is where we think we'll be living six years from now and whether or not we're making sound decisions for our family.

Definitely more than one post.

At the heart of those matters, and the one that means more to us than anything, is setting positive examples for our children. In handling grief, to making decisions that will impact us for much longer than it takes for the puppy to make them giggle and lick their faces all the way to treating everyone the way we want to be treated - they are taking their lead from us. All day. Every day. It exhausts me and if I'm not always feeling like it's the privilege that it truly is I could be given to complaining. And a perfect post popped into my inbox that is the loveliest reminder of the way it should be.

KC at Sanctified Pearl wrote about replacing complaints with thankfulness. Her sentiment is so lovely and so timely. I wanted to share her beautiful words with you and the scripture that she references.

“Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you.”
Philippians 2:14 – 15a

May you be blessed the way that I was with KC's wisdom and have a renewed sense of gratitude and enpowerment in your heart to share.

Flashback Friday

2011-09-30T06:42:00.000-07:00
They're getting SO, SO big. My {not so} little man is literally counting the months and days until he is double digits. He is so excited. I am not.

On a fall weekend four years ago he got a small case of the chicken pox after receiving the vaccine. We spent a whole weekend "in" and built a fort in the family room. Back then I think I may have taken that moment for granted. Looking back now I am so glad I let him drag EVERYTHING into that 4x4 space made of blankets, let her cruise around in just panties and church shoes (??) and flew them through the air when they asked. I'm honestly not sure if we've ever done it again.

Every Friday is a precious gift. I hope you enjoy yours.

Ten Things ~ September

2011-09-28T23:29:00.000-07:00
It's time, it's time . . . Ten Things to Smile About. Crazy how Emmy is right on time every month and reminds me that yet another 1/12 of the year is long gone. If anything is true month after month it is that I always have something to smile about and always owe Emmy for reminding me to remember all of those sweet reasons.

http://www.emmymom2.com/

Finally getting the necklace I designed using my Grandmother's diamond cocktail ring. I LOVE it, LOVE it, LOVE it and it's even more special because it's a family piece.

The patience and care we received from the weekend veterinarian and his staff when our sweet Kramer decided it was time for him to go.

Taking a later flight because she REALLY wanted her hair curled for picture day

E being such a patient and focused coach for our son and his teammates

An impromptu day at Disneyland when school was cancelled for a power outage

How adorable I think she is without a front tooth

Jones Design Company {monthly}
Emily creates and publishes the greatest, easiest to use stationary and gifts. So loving being a part of her world.

My super special girlfriend sending me a card recognizes and supporting me through my chaos in the middle of her own

Having a million laughs with my colleagues while we planked all over the hotel in San Francisco

Spending a Sunday at home with all these sweet people

Flashback Friday

2011-09-23T09:30:00.000-07:00
It's been a long, long time since I have done a Flashback Friday but it is my kiddos favorite. I am blogging just for them today. They got up at 5:30 AM to tell their Daddy goodbye on his way to the airport and are just the neatest people around. I am lucky, lucky, lucky.

Flashback Friday from September 2006 for my favorite students. I'm looking forward to our weekend together.

2011-09-14T19:18:00.001-07:00
My sweet little old soul, aka The Athlete, was calculating today what year he would become a Grandpa. He decided on 2062.

It was a funny conversation to have with a 9 year old and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I went back to him and asked him why he was thinking about that.

"Because Mom. A Grandpa is like the best person ever to a little kid. I want to be that special to someone."

Oh my love. You already are.

You are my beloved son in who I am well pleased ~ Mark 1:11

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

IF YOUR FRIENDS AREN'T FRIENDS, MAKE NEW FRIENDS

2011-09-01T15:56:00.000-07:00

The topic of toxic friendships has come up in my conversations at many different levels lately. I've struggled in the past with friendships that I feel like aren't providing any value to my life and I worry sometimes that my loyalty overshadows relationships that have become lifeless.

At a gorgeous sunset dinner to celebrate a friend's birthday last night the topic came up again about the amount of work that goes into a friendship and when it's time to cut your losses.

And of course there's the ever prevalant struggle of building professional success without allowing it to overshadow the significance of my personal life and the gift of family.

How poignant that today I would receive a note from a very esteemed colleague that touches on the very same thing. I am inserting the text exactly as I received it so I won't take any credit (or not) for the writing. The grammar and formatting are much less important to me than the message itself.

"If the people close to you are dragging you down, then it may be time to make some changes."

Speaker Joe Larson remarked, "My friends didn't believe that I could become a successful speaker. So I did something about it. I went out and found me some new friends!"

When you really think about it, the things that matter most in life are the relationships we develop.

REMEMBER:

You may build a beautiful home, but eventually it will crumble.

You may develop a fine career, but one day it will be over.

You may save a great sum of money, but you can't take it with you.

You may be in superb health today, but in time it will decline.

You may take pride in your accomplishments, but someone will surpass you.

Discouraged? Don't be, for the one thing that really matters, lasts forever - your friendships.

Life is too long to spend it with people who pull you in the wrong direction. And it's too short not to invest in others. Your relationships will define you. And they will influence your talent - one way or the other. Choose wisely.

"IF THE PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU AREN'T ADDING VALUE TO YOUR LIFE, CONSIDER MAKING SOME NEW FRIENDS." - John Maxwell

Ten Things: August 2011

2011-08-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

August is always a fun and busy month for us.  We celebrate LOTS of birthdays, wrap up our summer, spend time outside . . . I can honestly say that we may do more "living" in August than any other month. This year set a new standard for that because the month seriously zoomed right by us.

We ended a trip to Florida at the beginning of the month, did a couple more sports camps, worked a little, played a lot and took our annual camping trip to Yosemite. Somewhere in there we wedged five family birthdays, the circus and the baptism of our sweet niece. Yep, busy.

The day after we returned from our camping trip I couldn't wait to upload all of my photos, edit them and share them like crazy. Yosemite is a dream for a photographer (not that I am). Well that very day my computer DIED. D.I.E.D. never to be resurrected. I was devasted for a little bit, but not willing to give in to the notion that it was the end of the story. I am praying that the component that I found online will let me move everything from my undead hard drive to the PC in E's office. The photos I was able to retrieve for this post are still on my camera or I have emailed somewhere and could pull up.

And no, I didn't back up my hard drive. Not one of my ten things to smile about. But here are the ones that top the August list for me this year.

Ten Things ~ August 2011

My very privileged kids enjoying SIMPLE fun

Celebrating 90 years of life for E's beautiful Grandma

The precious blessing of our tiny niece C's baptism

My funny kiddos playing Lion Tamer with each other and using the lions' names they heard at the circus.

"Down Tikka" "Roll Over Tikka" "Here Tikka"

FUNNY STUFF!

Our very old dog enjoying his vacation

E's unwaivering patience and tenderness with me as I struggled through camping.

Riding a bicycle every day for a week with my family and enjoying the beauty of God's creation over and over again

Finding an accessory (FINGERS CROSSED) that will let me retrieve all the files from the hard drive of my laptop that is dead!

A sweet little haircut and a visit from the Tooth Fairy to start first grade

This seriously ridiculous video of The Athlete reenacting the bear in a skit from Yosemite. I have no idea why it cracks me up so much when he does this, but it's even better because he has sloppy joe plastered on his face and his eyes look exactly like his Dad's. I tell him to "charm me" and he does. I just can't help but smile and smile

Ranger Ned Show reenactment

Choose

2011-08-29T16:59:00.001-07:00

The first day of school and the first day in the office since 8/17. That combination is almost lethal.

I've looked at this quote at least ten times and have reminded myself ten times more than that. It's so hard to make sure I am committing the time and love to them that they deserve.

And they really deserve it. So much.

The Athlete - 4th grade
The Princess - 1st grade

The choice should be so easy . . .

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Choose

Dirt and Photos

2011-08-26T21:25:00.000-07:00
We're trying to catch up from six days of camping and there is a LOT of dirt to contend with. The piles of laundry on my patio look like this

It won't get finished tonight, but it can't come inside. We had a seriously wonderful trip but I've had enough dirt to last me a while.

When I am not doing laundry this weekend we will be celebrating my E's birthday and editing photos. There are tons of them and I am dying to get them all squared away to share.

The highlight of my day, I think, was editing this photo in Picasa.

I am experimenting with the retouch option. It's not that I don't think that man is perfectly fine, but he's got nothing to do with my sweet family. Be gone with you sir.

That cracks me up and makes me want to go back to a million old photos and retouch them. I'd like to think that if you hadn't seen the first photo you wouldn't think the retouched image looked like there was a ghost sitting behind the Princess.

I am also hoping I can find a way around the bonehead move of taking EVERY photograph in low resolution. On accident. Definitely not my favorite thing about today.

Laundry awaits . . . more to come.

GONE FISHING

2011-08-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

Warm Salt Water

2011-08-18T09:07:00.000-07:00
My angel baby boy had a frenectomy on Monday morning and the gaping hole in his upper lip wasn't even half the size of the lump in my throat while he laid there squeezing my hand. The oral surgeon told me --

"Warm salt water and some TLC. He'll be good as new in a couple of days."

Was he talking about my guy or me? Or everyone. What couldn't heal with salt water and some TLC?

Salt water is the beach. A good cry. Some bath salts in the giant tub that never gets used.

And who ever gets enough TLC?

A kind word. A well timed hug or a kiss of reassurance. A note of encouragement, just because.

My skin is getting thick from the constant need to protect myself from the elements. The elements of time and the assault of life as a grown up. Harsh, unnecessary words and relentless professional pressure. The infinite questions of making the right choices and distributing every resource in exactly the right way.

Warm salt water and TLC.
I'll add it to the list.

p.s. and this guy is back to 110%. The Rx worked for him.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Keeping up with the Joneses

2011-08-15T08:18:00.000-07:00
Our family blog has been desperately neglected lately. We've been working {too much}, traveling {a lot} and playing {hard}. When I want to sit down and write I end up unloading the dishwasher or just collapsing in a heap in bed. Besides being painfully busy lately the recurring theme of the adult conversations in our house is about whether or not we're headed in the right direction. Not as a couple - thank goodness we finally figured that out - but as parents.

Are we really doing what's right for them?

Those conversations always bring up so much self doubt for me and insecurity about how good I really am. The absolute truth of all of that is that I never feel worthy of the true goodness that has been bestowed upon me. My deepest darkest secret is that I think everyone else just does it so much better.

Their homes are more beautiful. Their thighs are a little slimmer. They are more patient and loving with their children.

Even as I know this about myself, I struggle with my children wanting to be like someone else or be something that is less than their authentic self. All I want for them is to be the very best of whatever God intended for them to be.

And Emily from Jones Design Company popped into my inbox at 7:29 AM and I devoured her words immediately. Funny how that happens sometimes.

Emily is someone that I think just has it all together. Her home is so lovely. And she's very pretty and writes beautifully. She knows how to edit digital photos and sew ruffle pillows. She would definitely never wear flip flops to the dentist and her life must be so much better than mine. Or she may just be human like the rest of us.

Her post today spoke directly to my heart and gave me a little hope and inspiration that I am desperately needing right now. You can read the whole post here, but if you don't make it any further you have to read this devotion that she shared with her children.

“Stop comparing yourself to other people. When you compare yourself to others, you end up either feeling that you’re better than they are, or feeling bad about yourself. Neither of those things is what I want for you.
I created each of My children with unique talents. And I have given each of you your own road to follow. So it is useless to compare yourself to someone else – that person has a completely different path to follow.

When you want to feel good about yourself, remember how much I love you. Remember that I made you just the way I want you to be. And remember that I died so you could have My salvation. You are a jewel in My crown.”

How lovely and true and inspirational. He made us the way he wants us to be.

Them.

And Us.

And the Joneses. Amen.

Ten Things: July 2011

2011-08-09T06:29:00.000-07:00
The theme for my summer posts seems to be that they're all late. It's truly because we are so busy in the doing that I can't find the time to write about it. If that was the worst of my problems for my whole life things would be dreamy. And one day when my personal time and disposable income are unlimited I am going to make blog books with one specifically for Ten Things. So I can't miss it now.

Ten Things to Smile About ~ July 2011

Celebrating the 4th of July TWICE with our fun loving family

Enjoying impromptu BBQ dinnners outside

Joining Amber at Starfish for Summer in Snapshots. It's been so much fun to take more photos than usual and create the Picasa collages she shared a tutorial on.

Pineapple Coconut Ice Cream from Thrifty

A casual night in with my BFF

Getting sucked into Pinterest. Oh my sweet addiction

Feeling like the bajillion dollar we spend on camp might be worth it.

They liked it!!

Saturday morning SUP class

Being blessed with my sweet Mom who will always go above and beyond to help me out and spend time with her grandbabies

Spending time in Florida with my family.

Summer is so bittersweet. Just when you get the hang of it, it's over. Happy August friends.

Peace and Love

2011-07-28T07:52:00.001-07:00
When I'm not doing laundry and shopping at Costco I am a meeting professional. That claim doesn't mean much to me of late. I've been committing too much time to the wrong kinds of projects and it has zapped me of any enthusiasm or energy. I love the work but haven't been loving the workING.

Last Friday I landed in Florida and I am ~~partying like a rock star~~ attending a conference hosted for and by meeting professionals. It is a genuine treat to see so many people who have the same passion for their work and some of the same problems. Really, if you want to have a good time you should spend time with people who entertain for a living. It's been terrific. Im feeling more optimistic and energized about my career than I have in a long time and today has been the icing on an extra tasty cake.

Since I do spend so much time doing laundry and shopping at Costco, I am a pop culture retard. I don't watch much television and had no idea who Kelly Cutrone was before she walked onto the stage in General Session this morning. She has (or has had - not positive about this) a show on Bravo! and was on The Hills. She also runs a super successful PR business primarily for big time fashion industry clients. Well okay!! She did a scripted Q&A today on the main stage about her methodology for success and the parallels of the madness of high fashion events and our profession's client events. It was good.

The afternoon was a more intimate Q&A where she said it was OK to ask her about motherhood, men, business or any combination of that. She is extraordinarily witty, and hilarious, and genuine and freakin' brilliant. Her business prowess is admirable, but what she said that I loved is this

"I am building power (through her business efforts and media reach) so that I can make a difference. Love and peace are leaving the world and I have to change that."

Seriously?!?!?

Because I haven't ever seen her on TV or been exposed to her before I will have to take everyone else's word for how intense she can be. What I know is that she is really, really warm and nice. I know because I went to her book signing and she took time to talk to every single person that stood in line for her. We talked about my dress and her daughter. Such is such a lovely person.

I had missed the boat on buying her book after she spoke the day before. and guess what? The lady in line next to me gave me her book. She said Kelly really inspired her to do something better and she wanted to do that for me. And the I told Kelly what the lady did and she gave her a brand new book. How's that for making a difference?

The five days here have been long and I am bone tired. I could go on and on about all of the crazy stories she told us about her life in the fashion business and how she compares the cost of staying a few days in a suite at a Disney hotel to purchasing a car in Iowa but I really think you should buy her books. My world is already better because I met Kelly Cutrone. Peace and love to you <3

----------------------
P.s. This is 3 days later than I intended. We're in North Florida with family now and there's not a lot of wifi access in these parts. We'll be keeping it simple for the next several days.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Summer in Snapshots: Week Three {for me}

2011-07-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

Another week. Another seven days of goodness to be grateful for.

Finishing one camp

Starting another

friends

family

FUN

We heart summer.

And we heart our friend Amber at Starfish.

She makes beautiful jewelry. And is a Mom to darling little boys. And lives in a groovy San Diego neighborhood. And has amazing design sense. Go see her snapshots and all of the things she's checking off of her summer list.

xoxo, Mrs M

What Would She Say?

2011-07-18T21:50:00.000-07:00
If you saw me in the parking lot at lunch you would think "Cute dress. Bad hair." I don't outwardly appear to be a total disaster. I am showing up for work and brushing my teeth. The kids get vitamins every morning and all of the towels are clean. I even fed and watered the roses yesterday. Life is not bad. I am just DONE.

Capital D. Capital O. Capital N. Capital E. DONE

Our offspring are being truly ungrateful and rude to each other. My tolerance for corporate nonsense is dangerously low. I struggle to write concisely and professionally in business correspondence because I really just want to rant and tell people they are complete jack asses!!!!! I truly, truly, truly hate packing lunches and unloading the dishwasher.

DONE

And then I open my jewelry box to make myself feel better with something pretty and see the photo of her.

Nanny and The Princess - September 2004
What would she say to me right now?

I would tell her every word I just wrote and she would definitely scold me for saying jackass. But what would she really say?

She survived her husband, two of her three children and one of her grandchildren. She never even had a dishwasher. Ever. She washed every dish by hand immediately after every meal. Every time. Even after fried chicken and homemade biscuits. She hand wrote me a letter every week for ten years after I moved to California. After her arthritis made writing too painful she typed to me on a typewriter. And when she didn't have anything to say she would type;

"I don't have anything to say. I just want you to know that you're my sunshine. Love, Nanny"

And I never heard her complain in my whole life. Ever.

Oh my goodness, I can not believe how much I still miss her.

E and I have been talking endlessly about how entitled and ungracious our children seem this summer and I can't help thinking that maybe it's because we're so entitled and ungracious. Are they complaining about being tired from camp because we're complaining about being tired from work? Do they talk to each other like that because we talk to them like that?

I know the answer but I want it to be different.

I want to be more like her. I want to be tough and graceful on the same day. I want to smile at every single person I encounter and mean it. I want to be truly thankful for the dirty dishes and the lunch boxes and lead the ungracious children in the other direction. Purely by example.

She was really the most wonderful person in the world. I know what she would say.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Summer in Snapshots: Week Two

2011-07-13T20:36:00.000-07:00
Doing these posts has been so refreshing. It's forcing me to get out my camera more and think a little harder about what I want my sweet people to remember about summer.

And we're having FUN!

Thank you so much to sweet Amber at Starfish for the great idea and hosting the link every week.

http://www.starfishblog.com/
Our week in snapshots won't even do it justice, but it's a great keepsake for how tightly we're embracing summer and our long days in the sun.

A rowdy family dinner with aunts, uncles and cousins that lasted for HOURS. I am so glad that I wasn't a patron in that restaurant that wasn't with us!

The Beach. The Beach. The Beach.
Different local beaches on different days.
All terrific. Really terrific.

We tried Stand Up Paddle for the first time and LOVED it. All of us. E went out with The Athlete and I took The Princess. All four of us loved it for different reasons and I went back the next day for a SUP fitness class with my girlfriends.
<3 LOVE <3

The Athlete did basketball camp and The Princess was at The Ocean Institute. They're both at Beach Camp this week.
Rough Life.

We've done no less than 8 loads of towels since my last Summer Snapshot post and it makes me happy because it just means that we're getting dirty and having fun.

AND, last but definitely not least, The Princess rode her bike without training wheels.
For a long time.
We're so proud of her and looking forward to more fun with everyone on their bikes.

Summer feels so good right now. We are truly blessed.

Like a Beacon of Light

2011-07-11T21:16:00.000-07:00
The inevitable. The unmanageable. The irrelevant.

It all consumes me lately.

E and I returned from our island getaway to a counter full of rocks {literally} and extra bratty children who weren't interested in ANYTHING other than what we brought them from our trip. Not really the Norman Rockwell homecoming I had painted in my mind while we wistfully enjoyed our time without them.

The week that followed was genuinely painful.

Every night was a tug of war with exaggerated bedtimes and temper tantrums over tater tots.

Recommiting to our workloads was an absolute joke while we tried to gain our footing again at home. Even as the laundry slowly got done and vegetables were being served it just wasn't working. As I stated QUITE clearly on Friday morning . . .

"This week has sucked. I am not going to work today. We'll have a long weekend and it will all be better next week."

And I meant it with all my heart. I took the day off and it was a long, wonderful weekend. We made progress in organizing ourselves again and we had fun. Monday morning was no problem.

Then reality crept right back in and made a joke of me and my declaration.

Camp was closed.

Work sucked. A lot.

Someone hit my car in the parking lot. While it was parked.

What. On. Earth.

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

How exactly does life do that? I said life would be all better next week and it's NEXT WEEK. Shouldn't it be better?

But it IS better and I almost forgot.

While I was languishing in a bubble bath last night gearing up for my better week, The Princess came in several times. She couldn't sleep. The scrape on her elbow was excruciating. The noise from the crickets was too loud. You name it. The last time she came in she told me that the bulb went out in her lamp and she couldn't sleep without it.  I told her that we would fix it in the morning and to go to bed. We didn't see her again.

This morning when I went to wake her up I found him.

My Beacon of Light.

He was groggy and I was on my way to the coffee maker. I half heartedly asked him why he was there and why he had a flashlight in his hand. He didn't respond immediately and I was on my way to the coffee maker.

On the way to camp I asked him again why he was sleeping in her room.

"Because she couldn't sleep without her lamp, Mom. I brought my flashlight and slept with her."

Work will still suck tomorrow. The car will get fixed. And camp will {I hope} open. But if not one other thing in the world changes I will still be their Mom and they are good.

So, so good.

Summer in Snapshots: Week One

2011-07-06T21:00:00.000-07:00
This summer is going to prove to be a busy {and fun}one for us. Amber over at Starfish is hosting a weekly review of summer in snapshots and I love the idea. Swimming pools, bicycles and staying up late. Summer's the perfect time to capture it all in pictures.

And a big thanks to Amber for sending me over to Emily at Jones Design Company for a tutorial on how to make a photo collage in Picasa. New obsession!!

Our first week in review includes some super great stuff

E and me on Maui. Alone.

The kids spending lots of time with their family and loving every minute of it.

A serious show where cousins faced off in a dance competition.

Sun shining and a swimming pool.

Cheers to a great summer!

Ten Things

2011-07-05T17:40:00.000-07:00
I am a little tardy to the party. Please forgive me. At the end of the month I was lying on the sand in Maui without a second thought for my computer and my blog. June, however, was another fantastic month for me and my sweet little family.

So better late than never, I am linking with Emmy for Ten Things to smile about in June

(1) A weekend getaway and good times with good friends

(2) Perfecting my home recipe for pineapple mojitos

(3) A great ending to a great school year

(4) Little boys that don't care they didn't get a trophy. They just like playing together.

(5) Spending an afternoon at home with my sweet nieces and relishing in kids enjoying time together

(6) Date Night at a U2 concert

(7) Taking my two favorite people to Disneyland to celebrate the beginning of summer

(8) My mom being able to spend a week in town and being a great head counselor of "Camp Nana"

(9) Lying on a beach in Hawaii with my one and only and having NO WHERE to be and NO ONE waiting for us. Even one day was heaven

(10) The blessing of our Princess and celebrating her 7th birthday with a family that loves so completely. Happy, Happy Birthday my little love.

Wish You Were Here

2011-06-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

WE

have not been

HERE

without

THEM

since

THIS

I'm working for a few more days and E is working on his tan.

I like that.

We'll sip some cocktails at the end of the week and watch the sunset.

Together.

These three

are having their own getaway at my mailing address.

I couldn't be happier for all of us.

ALOHA

As handsome as the captain of a cruise ship

2011-06-19T22:47:00.001-07:00
In my very humble opinion, there is a genetic requirement for Mothers to love and care for their children. I believe that women who harm children are biologically not well and something is working against their natural instincts. I truly believe that. I also believe that Dads have to work a little harder to give their unconditional love. They see through some of the nonsense that Moms get sucked into and don't ever think poop is cute. It's proven that we are biologically different. And it's all the more reason that it's so much more remarkable for a Dad to be really good at it. God blessed me twice with men who are remarkable Dads.

My Daddy gave me short, sturdy legs. That's not my most favorite thing about him, but there are lots of other things that are. It's because of him that I am brave and tenacious. I can bait my own hook and shoot a gun. He is why I am not afraid of bugs, snakes and hard work. I think of him every time I make a tough decision or tell someone something they don't want to hear. I have no problem with saying no or being unpopular. None of those things mattered enough to me while my Dad was trying to be a Dad to me, but I see him in my own parenting so often and understand his motives. I love how hard my Dad worked to ensure that I became the adult that I was meant to be. I hope one day that my children will admire and cherish me as much as I do him.

There is no delayed reaction, however, to how much my children love and admire their own Dad. I married him purely for myself without any regard for what kind of Dad he would be. I loved his big brown eyes and the way he made me feel so much bigger than anything I really was way back when. I loved him big but could never imagine how much more I would love him as a Dad. He unfailingly patient and kind with children. He is a teacher and a coach. He absorbs far more than his share of pressure and pain in life so that they don't have to. He loves their mother and shows them how a real man should treat a woman. He is hard working, hard driving and authentic.

The Athlete made a card for him for Father's Day and said he is as handsome as the captain of a cruise ship. I love that! He also said he likes it when his Dad throws baseballs for him, takes his family camping in Yosemite and takes him to basketball games. What he said in all of that is that he likes his Dad being there for him in the ways that matter most. What kid could ask for more?

Happy Father's Day to my favorite men and any Dads who have garnered the admiration of their children. You are truly loved.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

My Little Man

2011-06-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

For My Athlete ~

In my heart you are always my little man, but this year has seemed to seal the deal that you're really not. You are done with the third grade and headed "upstairs" at school. The coveted second floor - WOW!!! It doesn't seem like that's the place for you yet, but you do everything you can to prove that it is absolutely the place for you. You are so very grown up for your nine year old body.

This was another great school year for you. You are so, so smart, but you finally started making us work to keep you in the game. Third grade was not your usual piece of cake and we spent a lot of time on multiplication and projects like your Indian diorama. You loved reading books from the Percy Jackson series and most nights found me in your room telling you lights out after you asked for just a few more minutes to finish a chapter. You also discovered a love for history and social studies and always studied for those tests without being asked. Mrs. Munroe confessed that you have become her favorite because you know when to be serious but she loves you most when you're your usual fun self.

Sports kept all of us busy this year and you had great basketball and baseball seasons again. Your team won the championships in basketball and watching you on the court is my favorite winter activity in the whole world. Your intensity and leadership are truly remarkable. It is amazing to see how much you have developed since last year and how your physical instincts are starting to pair so well with your learned knowledge (thanks, Daddy!) of sports. You really are just something else and I can't imagine one thing that you can't do if you set your mind to it. When your're not playing sports you're watching them and loving it. Padres games are still your favorite and you tell me that you can't wait to go to SDSU so you can go to games all the time. The apple does not fall far from the tree around here.

School and sports fill every one of our days from September to June, but my favorite thing about you is you. We interviewed orthodontists before you got your braces and all of them complimented me on how polite and intelligent you are. You feed your dogs and take out the trash and never ever complain. You ask for seconds when I make baked ziti and thank me for making your dinner. You call your Nana on the way to school and always ask her how she's doing before you tell her the thing you're just dying to say. You genuinely love your family and friends and have the most extraordinary way of connecting with the littlest members of our family. You are the most fun, most thoughtful, most wonderful boy and I am so grateful for you.

Congratulations on another great year. You make me so proud and happy. Being your Mom is truly a gift.

With All my Love,

Your Biggest Fan

For My Kindergarten Graduate

2011-06-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Princess ~

Oh my baby girl. . . to even think of you and how deeply I love you tightens my chest and threatens to break me. My love for you is so intense and you are so untouchable sometimes. I have to force myself to remember that your genetics cannot be denied. There is no malice in your strength and independence and I know that it's my job to love you exactly the way you are.

You graduated from Kindergarten today and were a star in the Kindergarten performance. You sailed right through the school year and continue to impress me with your poise and intelligence. Daddy and I were so shocked and proud in your teacher conference when Mrs. Bennett told us that you are such an eager learner and her star student. In fact, her only complaint was that you finish your work too quickly. Okay then. I can live with that.

Your favorite things about school are reading and art. It's so sweet to see you lounging on your bed reading to Nana or listening to her read your favorite stories to you on the phone. You are a remarkable reader and love to sneak books out of your brother's room. I love the work that you put into the cards you make for your friends and family. I know there's a sweet pea in there somewhere and enjoy watching you express that in your writing and art.

The school year did nothing to diminish your love for flip flops, swimsuits, Hawaii and your boys. We are certain that you'll never go to college anywhere that snows because you are definitely a warm weather creature. I am so grateful that you wear a uniform to school every day because I just can't even imagine the pain we would go through every morning while you tried to indulge your inner fashionista. But I love that you will forego your sparkly sandles and sundress any chance you get to go in the backyard with your lavender baseball glove and play catch with your Dad and The Athlete. You are the MOST unpredictable girl ever.

You love candy, soccer, swimming pools and your American Girl doll, Josephina. You run fast, dance like a lunatic and take forever in the bathroom. You wear my high heels around the house any chance you get, steal all my lip gloss and beg me to stay in bed and read one more book with you. Please don't ever stop.

You scare me to death, but I get you. My job on this earth is to make sure you know that I need you as much as you need me and I will never judge you for being yourself. I've always got your back, Lulu. After all, you are my girl.

With Too Much Love, Mama

With Tender Loving Care

2011-06-13T21:46:00.001-07:00
He's nine and she's six and they are madly in love their teeny tiny cousins. I watch them fight to the death over a Lego figure and then they become the most delicate little angels when given the opportunity to sit with the baby.

Their tenderness is infectious and serenity temporarily takes over the mayhem. They take ALL the pillows from their beds to pile around their baby cousin so she's cozy with them. They take out their long loved old toys to share with their favorite toddler and pour tea for her over and over. They use all their big muscles to allow extra room for her to climb out of the cardboard fort. They love them in every way they know how.

There are no more babies in my immediate future and I treasure the time we're spending with B and C. If every day could be swaddled in such tender loving care the whole world would be that much sweeter.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Turn Back Time

2011-06-12T19:08:00.000-07:00
The first half of June is just flying by with absolutely no signs of slowing down. We've been our usual over the top busy selves. The kids are wrapping up their school year and the activities are non-stop. To avoid being broken hearted about the reality of my youngest child heading to first grade I will recount all our busy goodness.

E and I went to Las Vegas last weekend with 35 other adults to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday. That was a super fun getaway. Everyone went out dancing together on Friday night. We were some kind of crew!

E set the dance floor on fire - SO MUCH FUN! My BFF loves it when he boogies :)

We lounged in the pool all.day.long on Saturday. Given the opportunity, I would do that every weekend.

E and I went to the spa late on Saturday afternoon and were starving afterwards. We ate like homeless people in a restaurant in the hotel and didn't make it to dinner with the group. We ended up having an impromptu date night instead and since it was unexpected it was that much better. Time alone doesn't happen very much for us and it was good to be out with no plans at all.

We ended up at David Copperfield and the show was unreal. We were invited for a Meet n Greet after the show and he did the coolest magic trick right in front of our faces. No way!!

And anytime we even think we're remotely cool we come home to a six year old that hides from us and refuses to leave her Grandma's house. Oh right - reality!

The Athlete stayed home from school one day with the remnants of a sinus infection that still won't go away. His sister said she was sick, too. I didn't believe her until she vomited all over my bed. That was not my favorite thing that happened so far in June. With the vomit came a fever and she missed her Kindergarten Awards Tea. Poor baby girl.

Lucky for her she had already been to a birthday party earlier in the week and an end of year pool party. What's the end of school without thirty eight parties in ten days???

Third grade social studies brought the Pioneer School graduation. Each kid had to select a Pioneer poem to memorize and recite at the graduation celebration. The Athlete did a really great job on his poem and was SO excited about his pioneer outfit. He made me super proud

He also had his end of season track party and end of season baseball party. The coming week will bring Kindergarten graduation, another pool party and field day.

I'll be there with my camera and my tissue. And wishing we could slow down just a little.

Viva!

2011-06-03T06:33:00.000-07:00

Ten Things - May 2011

2011-05-31T21:16:00.000-07:00
I always owe Emmy my thanks for making me recap the month with Ten Things. The milestone makes me take a {much needed} deep breath and remember my favorite things about the last month. I know Emmy's other friends feel the same way when they commemorate their Ten Things, too. Thank you Emmy from the very bottom of my heart.

Ten Things to Smile About - May 2011
The easiest, sweetest, most special Mother's Day ever. Ever.

Finishing a long day of travel and meetings in Maui with a pineapple mojito. Don't hate. I was working and it was hot. And I am positively obsessed with them.

Seeing the Maddie James Foundation reach their $1M fundraising goal to make the Maddie James Seaside Learning Center a reality. God Bless this family as they try to carry on their daughter's memory.

This guy
He is my confidante, personal comedian, the household accountant, gardener and biggest cheerleader for my kids and me. Our very REAL (dirty socks in bed anyone), but very HAPPY marriage always makes me smile.

One night of completely empty laundry baskets.

Working in LA for the day and seeing the American Idol finale LIVE! I have never watched one episode of that show and was immediately sucked in. I can't believe how life changing that show can be for these KIDS and really did love being a part of something so exciting. And my colleague, and friend, was way super crazy excited. It's always fun to be somewhere with someone who is thrilled about it.

Feeling like we might actually be heading for summer. It seems like it's been cold and gloomy here for way too many months.

Hydrangeas and sea shells

Playing in the sand with my kiddos. After last summer I honestly wasn't sure if my back would ever be healed enough to play like that again. I very happily got on my hands and knees to dig and thanked the good Lord for the opportunity for it. Good health should not EVER be taken for granted.

Finally booking airfare for our trip home this summer. It's so painful to part with the cash on the off chance that the fares will drop, but I am thrilled that my Southern California sweeties will get to spend some of their summer in the deep South. I may reward myself with some boiled peanuts and sweet tea!!!

And on to June we go . . .

Protein, Prayer and Perspective

2011-05-25T22:56:00.000-07:00
I am pouring my weary heart out with Shell today.

If life were school and I were being graded right now I would be failing these three "P"s. All of them. Miserably. And failing is not in my vocabulary. Imagine the dismay.

PROTEIN

Meal planning, healthy eating, calorie counting, empty calories . . . All of it eludes me and I am an epic failure. My BFF and I talked recently about being positive role models for our kids and choosing the right times to talk with them about healthy eating and making good choices. I'm pretty sure I don't want to tell them that I washed down a box of Jr Mints with a truiple venti latte at my desk this afternoon. Not positive role model stuff, ya know?

The Princess is 6 years old, closer to 7, and she weighs a whopping 42 pounds. That is not a typo. She is teeny tiny. Always has been. My philosophy with her is that if she's willing to eat it then she can have it. That's not getting us very far right now. She is having some pretty significant digestive issues and her pediatrician has suggested that we cut out all simple carbs and sugar. Sounds easy enough until you try to feed a teeny tiny child edamame and wheat germ who only wants a bowl of pasta with butter. Salads and lean protein seems simple enough, but somehow it's really just not.

Epic failure. Again. Fat is a choice that I make for myself. She deserves someone who will make the right choices on her behalf. Failing her hurts so much more than failing myself.

PRAYER

It's proven that life is better around here when we're going to church all the time. "The family that prays together stays together" really speaks to me. My only excuse for not dressing my children and taking them to mass every Sunday morning at 9 AM is that I am tired. Down to my bones I am tired and tell myself that God will understand. That's lame and I know it, but it is the absolute truth.

On mornings that we don't have to rush to school or the office, or soccer, baseball or a track meet I just want to leave my pajamas on and eat scrambled eggs at the counter while the towels are in the washing machine. And I am disappointed in myself for feeling like that.

PERSPECTIVE

The last 30 days have added 12,000 miles to my frequent flyer account and I can't think of anything positive about that. Last week brought a diagnosis of a sinus infection for my sweet Athlete who I knew in my heart just wasn't himself. I have no perspective. The minutia constantly crowds my mind and overtakes any hope of clarity.

One morning last week I drove the Athlete and four of his classmates on a field trip to the Ocean Institute in Dana Point. On the way back to school the kids couldn't talk fast enough about how great it was. Their teacher sent home this photo of what they saw. An entire school of common dolphins were racing their boat in the Pacific Ocean.

We are good. Our home is cozy. My planes keep landing safely and my son holds his sister's hand in the parking lot. Not enough protein. Not enough prayer. But enough blessed perspective to know how good life is.

Class Dismissed

Room With a View

2011-05-17T09:45:00.001-07:00
Life seems to have me everywhere but home lately. In almost every case I can't wait to get home and sleep in my own bed.

Today's different. This is the view from my office this morning.

I'm not in a huge hurry to head to the airport this time around. If you could just send me E and my kids I'd work right here forever. And ever.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

What a Difference a Babe Makes

2011-05-08T23:33:00.001-07:00
The conversation lasted no longer than a deep breath, but we meant it for those 90 seconds or so. Somewhere in a series of big city trips we felt like our life was full. It was for the moment. The Sears Tower, Fenway Park, Happy Hour at midnight . . . it was definitely not a bad life.

"Maybe we shouldn't have kids."

"We could just travel all the time and retire when we're 50."

"We'd be so rich."

Season tickets and luxury labels held a lot of appeal to our twenty something selves. If you'd asked back then we'd have quickly named a son and daughter Tony Gwynn and Kate Spade and loved them for all eternity.

Then along came our replacement for cashmere. He snuggled his way into our world looking like Mr. Magoo and easily turning our late night nachos into late night lullabies. My affinity for high end boutiques morphed into an obsession with the best stroller.

The following year I was barely back into my designer jeans and we found out that I needed to start shopping for maternity clothes. Again. I'd almost been fooled into thinking that by carrying my Coach diaper bag I could feel just like I did before my precious baby boy. Suddenly I needed a double stroller and two sizes of diapers. My caviar dreams of E giving me a new anniversary band each time I delivered another perfect offspring faded as spring came along and we tried to figure out how to cram another person into our tiny little beach cottage.

Then the tiniest pink dream was born and I swear she had a luxury tax invoice attached to her umbilical cord. Hair bows to match every darling outfit were an ABSOLUTE necessity. Any day of the week would find me choosing a frilly something for her instead of browsing Salon shoes for myself.

Several years and several Mother's Days later my priorities are crystal clear. Admittedly, I have dreamed more than one night now about the Michele Caber Park watch with the champagne leather band, but tuition and new track shoes always come first. And my Mother's Day was the most priceless 16 hours of my life.

Bedside breakfast delivered with tremendous pride.

Kisses and hugs and eyes full of anticipation. Handmade cards that left me sobbing with gratitude and humility.

And a brand new custom stadium seat. It has their names on it with a soccer ball and a baseball as the vowels and it says I'm their Mom.

To say it's my prize possession is a gross understatement. On Monday, Thursday and Saturday this week I'll be sitting in that seat with my heart on my sleeve and without the designer watch. And I'll still think I'm the richest girl in the world.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

For Mama

2011-05-08T09:26:00.001-07:00
There is no shortage of beautiful women in my life who are mothers. I have been abundantly blessed over and over again.

My Mother's Mother was, and always will be, my favorite person on Earth.

My Father's Mother left me a legacy of beauty and strength that I draw on in the most unexpected moments.

There is not one person in the whole world who loves me more than my own Mama. I say that with absolute certainty and know that I am blessed.

Once upon a time I had a stepmother who was a caregiver to a really, really rotten teenage girl that wasn't her own. She was unnecessarily kind to me and I'll always love her for it.

The Lord has also blessed me with an amazing Mother in Law, a second stepmother who is too precious to even use the word stepmother to describe and an inherited pile of warm, witty and wise Aunts that I absolutely adore. They are all mothers to me in the times that I need them and I am so grateful to have so much love from them not only for me, but for my family.

And my dear, dear girlfriends who I am fumbling and tripping over motherhood with. They make the days that seem impossible almost manageable. They are beautiful, and smart, and tired. And so real. They remind me that unmade beds and forgotten permission slips don't make me a bad mother and on the days that I really do fail as a mother they tell me they love me anyway.

I am in love with being a Mama and I am so humbled that God is letting me do it. I couldn't make it without the other mothers in my life that make me me.

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Pour Your Heart Out: Eye for an Eye

2011-05-04T13:24:00.001-07:00
The headline read "Rot in Hell". It was certainly written with an intention of malice and shock. It worked.

Very late the night before I sat in my hotel bed and watched the President of the United States confirm that Osama Bin Laden had been shot and killed in Pakistan. There was footage of people at Ground Zero cheering and crying and waving American flags. More footage of crowds outside the White House chanting "USA. USA". The television news was touting it as a triumphant and historical day in US history. All of it just made me sad.

My husband and I are pouring our own hearts into raising children who will be good human beings as adults. We are telling them constantly about tolerance and God's unconditional love and forgiveness of everyone.

I was watching what seemed like an entire nation cheer and high five ands declare their success after knowing that troops had murdered someone. It did not make me jubilant.

No one in my family was killed on 9-11. I was pregnant with The Athlete and sitting on an ottoman in front of the television in our family room watching smoke pour from the building and I cried and cried. The tragedy struck me to the core. I read every article, watched every show and prayed a lot for the victims and their families. I will NEVER forget that morning. But I also know that my life wasn't physically changed. And maybe if it was I would feel differently. I do not want to minimize anyone's loss or their need for justice.

But the bottom line is that I don't see how any of those children's parents will ever come back just because this man is dead. My ambivalence embarrasses me. I feel like I am betraying a million people by not celebrating the murder of another human being.

I cannot tell my children that America did the right thing.

I am pouring my heart out when I tell you that I don't think God believes in an eye for an eye. The hurt won't go away because he is gone. Even if Bin Laden does rot in hell.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Ten Things: April 2011

2011-05-01T13:06:00.001-07:00
I can't even say what i think about another month being gone. That would make me a broken record. All I can do is take a deep breath and count my blessings. There are many.

Ten Reasons to Smile

Warm spring afternoons, the deep blue sea and the sun finally shining in our little corner of the world

Spending time with my sweet nieces

My roses blooming abundantly and making beautiful bouquets for home and to share.

Enjoying time with family and friends and there being no difference in the two

Almost managing to master business and pleasure. Almost.

COSTCO
Where else in the world could I fawn over a pair of diamond earrings and buy a gallon of margarita mix, shrimp cocktail, laundry detergent and a $6 dress for a little girl?!?!!?

Celebrating the abundant beauty of Easter

Friday night baseball games where the adults are having as much fun as the kids!

An impromptu getaway that included the Presidential suite in our favorite city. His and hers bathrooms, views EVERYWHERE, and milk & cookies, a jacuzzi and some very necessary downtime for our babies who are just not babies anymore.

Watching live coverage of the Royal Wedding with my own Princess. I do love love and I happen to think William and Kate are adorable. God Bless them and their modern fairy tale.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Spring's bringing Good Things

2011-04-12T18:14:00.000-07:00
In my down time (Ha!! Ha!! Ha!! Ha!! Ha!!) I love to browse other people’s blogs and see what they’re talking about. I found some new favorite shoes that way and lots of great household tips. There are a handful of things right now that I am loving like crazy and that make some of my not so great days better. Maybe you need some new inspiration or lip gloss right now, too. Spring has sprung after all.

Channel 809 on Direct TV. The channel is called Country Hits Radio. I’ve been getting all sorts of work around the house done listening to my favorites – George Strait, Merle Haggard . . . ahhhh. I love me some classic country!

Golden Spoon Tart Mango and Graham Cracker frozen yogurts swirled together. YUM!

OPI nail polish in panda-monium pink. it's a sweet spring color and makes me super ready for sundresses and sandals.

C.O. Bigelow mentha lip tint
They sell this at Bath & Body Works and when they have their really big sales (the one with the yellow and red bags and the rubber duckies) you can get it for less than $2. It's a sheer, not sticky gloss that tastes and smells like mint. LOVE.IT.LOTS.

The color yellow. I want everything to be yellow right now. If I had an extra $100 I'd buy a lightweight spring cardigan or this darling scarf from Pleated Poppy. It's called sunshine yellow. What's not to love?

Or if I couldn't find just what I wanted OR had even another $100 I'd buy some cool yellow pillows to lighten up the family room.

DecoCandles in sweet mango
This is the signature fragrance from the Ritz Carlton Key Biscayne. They have these candles all over the hotel and they smell sooooooo good. And, of course, they're yellow.

All of these great, newish to me, websites are making my days better AND more productive.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
Tracks calories, carbs, sugar and whatever else you’re into. Swimsuit season is looming and I am keeping this open on my computer and my iPad all the time right now to help keep me stay on track.

http://www.tipjunkie.com/
I am not a crafter, am not particularly creative or the owner of patience and fine motor skills. Sites like Laurie’s are perfect for me! She has cataloged great recipes, free printable downloads for Springtime entertaining, décor tutorials – you name it.

http://www.starfishblog.com/
Amber over at Starfish has shared some easy tips recently for making life just a little simpler. I really like Amber for a whole bunch of reasons.

She lives in Coastal San Diego where my heart will always be. AND her house is flippin’ adorable. I just die when she posts and shares pix from her house. I even love her throw pillows for goodness sakes. Oh, and she's a jewelry designer and made a darling necklace when my sweet new niece was born as a gift for her Mama.

Her recent tips for setting a 15 minute timer and quick bathroom clean ups are just icing on the cake for me. In fifteen minutes I can rinse and load the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, make the bed and empty the bathroom trash cans. How's that for productive?!?! LOVE IT!

Life just seems so short these days and since I my sugar intake is limited right now I'll take happy anyway I can get it ;) ENJOY

xoxo, Mrs. Montoya

The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring.
                                                                                                                               ~Bern Williams

Friday Confessional

2011-04-08T12:25:00.000-07:00
I Confess . . .

I want it to be summer. Hot, sunny, spend all day at the beach summer.

I am grateful that we haven't had an earthquake or a tsunami. I feel blessed.

And I admit I am shallow.

I really, really, really want it to be summer.

I Confess . . .

I am tracking my carb and sugar intake.

Admitting how much sugar I eat is shocking.

Cutting back on how much sugar I eat sucks.

I would eat a hot fudge sundae for every meal if I could.

I Confess . . .

Motherhood is stressing me out lately.

It feels like everything I have done since I threw away my last diaper has been a failure.

I fret that I am not doing it right. Ever.

It invades my every thought, my every waking moment and every project.

I wish there was a book and a right answer, but I know there's not.

I Confess . . .

A few people have made the mistake lately of whining about how busy they are.

I'm afraid I don't respond well to cry babies.

I've got absolutely no sympathy for anyone complaining about busy.

You can complain to me any week that you work at least 40 hours, drive 60 miles each day in traffic, have one or more difficult conversations with an educator, counselor, coach or troop leader, attend two sporting events, address no less than 20 cotillion invitations in your most beautiful handwriting, get all your laundry done, and pack two picky brat lunchboxes at least three times.

Suck it up.

I Confess . . .

I need a vacation.

If you've got a secret to spill you can link with Mamarazzi, too.

Pour Your Heart Out: Wacky or Worried??

2011-04-06T10:33:00.000-07:00
Adult Male: "What's your name?"

The Princess: "Bob"

Adult Male {smiling}: "Nice to meet you Bob. Do I know your parents?"

The Princess {deadpan}: "I don't have parents. I am an orphan."

Adult Male {smiling wider}: "Oh really now? Well who brought you to the party?"

The Princess {deadpan}: "I was in the neighborhood. I came for the food."

Is she funny? Mostly she is REALLY funny. She can be unbelievably dry and alternately wild and hilarious.

But sometimes I worry that she uses humor to cover up insecurity. And sometimes she's not funny at all.  She can be mean. And intentionally hurtful. And I worry that she's hurting and doesn't know how to ask for help. She's only 6.

Concerned Adult: "She is really developing an odd sense of humor lately."

Me {feigning ignorance}: "Oh, really?"

Concerned Adult: "Someone asked her today where The Athlete was and she said he was dead."

Me: "Oh. Oh. Really? Oh. Really?"

I don't exactly know what the appropriate response is to that but I am starting to worry about my girl. A lot.

Butterflies and rainbows. Frilly dresses with matching hair ribbons. Patent leather mary janes with ruffled ankle socks and a bonnet on Easter.

My idealized vision of a little girl is NOT what my daughter is and I am mostly OK with that. I want her to be bold and confident and witty. But not creepy. Not alarmingly morbid. Not someone who I have to worry about where (or who) she's going to turn to for attention when she feels like she's not getting enough from us.

I lay awake at night wondering if I should let it go and just keep doing what I'm doing. Is she just feeling out her place in the world and she'll be the next Tina Fey? Or is she hurt and I am failing her horribly and all she knows how to do is cover it up with words and wit? Maybe I should be wrapping her up with all the love I can stand and begging her to share her darkest secrets with me.

If I had the answer I would pursue it whole heartedly and wouldn't need to Pour My Heart Out on my blog. But I don't.

Ten Things - March

2011-03-31T07:00:00.000-07:00
The last day of a month that really only seemed to last for ten minutes is a little disheartening to me. If this month went this quickly then we'll be starting a new school year sometime next week. I am not ready for life to move so quickly but I don't know how to slow it down. I can only be grateful for how good it is while I've got it.

Ten Things to Smile About
March 2011

Enjoying some special perks of working on a national event
with Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy

with Steve Finley

Talking with my children about Lenten sacrifices and letting them make choices about what feels right for them

A front row seat at The Princess' spring performance
Cutest cow EVER

Putting together plans for summer that include two weeks at home with my family

The Athlete's affinity for Cotillion and how unintimidated he is in social situations
with really tall girls : )

Enjoying time with family

Little girls who love to be together

Interviewing orthodontists and finding the one that's just right for us

The Athlete getting to meet SDSU basketball players that he {literally} looks up to

The start of SPRING!!!!!

Cruise over and see my friend, Emmy. She is counting her Ten Things today, too.

Ten Things - February

2011-03-31T06:08:00.000-07:00
Life passed me right by and I was headed to a GIANT event when it was time for the February Ten Things. I am cheating today and doing this one first.

Ten Things to Smile About
FEBRUARY 2011

Welcoming a brand new baby girl to the family and getting to see how much my kiddos love their new cousin

Being surprised with a professional honor AND getting a little cash for it $$$

My little Laker finishing basketball season with a first place win

A fun date night with friends
AND
the kids loving their sitter as much as we loved being out

Celebrating the day of LOVE at home with my three true loves

Renewing our annual passes to Disneyland and making the time to enjoy three times in two weeks

The beauty of true and honest friendship

How cute The Princess looks with her new bangs

Celebrating the birth of my favorite 9 year old again and again ~

Successfully fighting a traffic violation.
Three trips to court saved $300 in fines and TWO points on my record
Woo hoo!

Sibling Rivalry (Or Not)

2011-03-30T18:24:00.000-07:00
Every sweet baby deserves to have a buddy to chat with. I think this is just the cutest thing and couldn't resist spreading a little sunshine!!

I'll be back tomorrow with my Ten Things for March. That went TOO fast!

M.I.A.

2011-03-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

READER BEWARE:
This will be a big ol' mess

I haven't blogged in a LONG time and it's not because I forgot how to write or because my computer is broken. It's because I am so freakin' busy that I am lucky to brush my teeth twice a day. So.So.So.Dang.Busy.

And here we go . . .

My Punky turned nine and broke my heart. He got to celebrate twice at Disneyland with some friends.   I was introduced to "Yo Mamma" jokes for the first time since I was ten and couldn't help cracking up. I think little boys are the coolest thing ever. Especially my little boy.

My boys took first place in basketball playoffs. That was a hard earned honor and I was so proud and happy for them. I think my husband is a wonderful coach and admire him so much for working so hard to make a positive difference in children's lives. And you know how much I love to watch my son play basketball.

Maybe six minutes after the first place win in basketball we started baseball season. The Athlete just told my mom that he's playing "Big Boy Baseball" now. That translates for E and me to LOTS of practices and games that clock at two hours and 15 minutes minimum. If you need to find us we are at baseball at least three days a week. At least.

And I'm Team Mom. Because I'm retarded.

And we started spring soccer. The Princess is playing for the Purple Lightning Strikes. I feel like soccer may be a difference maker for her. Maybe not this season, but sometime. She likes it. She is engaged. And she may be good if she can stop goofing around : ) The child is such a clown.

Work is nuts. March is when we host our biggest event of the year. As the person who is directly responsible for corporate events it means I work about forty thousand hours in the six weeks before the event and another eight million the week that we're there. The show was fabulous and successful and everything it should have been. Our team pulls together in the most unbelievable way and I love how everyone works in perfect unison that week. We did our last photo shoot at 1:30 AM seven days after we arrived. We relished in our success for half a day and then got back to it.

I have major planning trips to San Francisco, Orlando and Hawaii scheduled in the next month and a half and three more brewing. The pace of our business has changed a lot in the last twelve months and I am definitely struggling to maintain the pace.

I am also the newly minted co-chair for the upcoming Cotillion Season. Because I am retarded.

E and I want to go on a date really, really bad. It might happen. It might not. I dunno know. We make sure to smile and wave when we see each other. Sometimes we even get close enough to kiss. I am truly thankful to be racing through life with him. He makes me smile.

Speaking of smiles - we've been to the orthodontist several times. The Athlete is due for braces. And a headgear. He seems excited. Poor dude. Ignorance is bliss.

Report cards came home and my children are brilliant. And well behaved (at school). The Athlete had a B in handwriting and math. Everything else was an A. I'll take it. We're working on the math, but I am still unbelievably proud of him.

The Princess doesn't get As and Bs yet, but she got all good grades too. I think their measure is in Es and Ss. I don't recall exactly but they were all good. She excels in reading and study skills. Her being smart is a little scary. I am not sure I could ever apply the phrase "too smart for your own good" until she came along. I am still wildly proud of her. She is such a trip.

Even when I look back at the last month it leaves me breathless to see how fast our live is moving. E and I are working so hard on raising good kids. Everything else seems secondary even when it's consuming us. I had a moment last week that I just couldn't even believe that we were old enough to be talking about insurance coverage for orthodontics. It really does feel like we were just in our very early twenties rollerblading to Happy Hour in San Diego. I miss being so carefree but I am madly in love with the life we've created and more grateful than ever that we're still doing it all together. Our kids are amazing. Our house is a mess. And I need more coffee. But now you know where I've been.

xoxo, Mrs M

Happy Birthday To You

2011-03-11T11:34:00.000-08:00
It's my Mom's birthday today. I won't tell you how old she is because I really don't think she'd like it. But I read something recently that I think is so fitting for someone like her.

What we take and what we leave all depends on what we give.

She will celebrate her birthday to the enth degree today. No doubt about it. She will fully expect a greeting, a cake and a wish from everyone she encounters today. If she were a different person I would think it was ridiculous, but from her it's not so much. She would give you her house, her car and everything in her closet if she felt like you needed it. If all she expects in return is a card, some sugar and a smile then good for her.

On the 13th anniversary of her 50th birthday ; ) I want to wish my Mama a very Happy Birthday. What you get will NEVER match what you give. You deserve every moment of happy today. I Love You

Dust if You Must

2011-02-23T07:17:00.000-08:00

My Mom is always telling me to slow down and treasure my time a little more. I just laugh and run faster into the swirl of work and kids and the stuff that takes all of my time and energy. She sent me this today and I can't help but notice how sweet and true this is.

My family spent a lot of time living this past weekend and a lot less time dusting. I liked it.



Dust if you must . . .

but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture or write a letter,
bake cookies or a cake and lick the spoon or plant a seed,
ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time . . .

with wine to drink, rivers to swim and mountains to climb,
music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must . . .

but the world's out there with the sun in your eyes,
the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come around, again.

Dust if you must , but bear in mind,
old age will come and it's not kind....
And when you go - and go you must -
you, yourself will make more dust!

It's not what you gather , but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

Pour Your Heart Out

2011-02-16T11:50:00.000-08:00
This week will mark the 9th birthday of my son and I am not quite sure how I feel about this one. It feels as if we are rapidly hurtling towards him selecting a college I am so not OK with that idea. To lose my grasp on him terrifies me and makes me miss him. Long before he'll actually be gone. And then I think - what if we don't make it that far?

Please don't judge me and don't say I am crazy. Shell's Pour Your Heart Out is part writing exercise and part therapy for me. And there is no truer fear in my heart than losing my son. I hope and pray that if I can "pour it out" I can move on from it. Or at least stop fretting over it for a while.

There's something buried in me that absolutely, genuinely believes that if something looks too good be true then it probably is. I don't believe in perfect. I cherish those sweet, sunny days that have a ring of perfection to them but even then I almost expect to have a car accident on the way home. Twisted, I know.

My son is perfect to me. I am sure if you asked someone else they would say he's too small, or we should really address orthodontia sooner than later, or something that would point out a minor imperfection. But I think he is perfect. I remember sitting on the side of the bed in our sunny guest room the day I found out I was pregnant with him and sharing the good news with my Nanny. I was over.the.moon. That feeling for him has not changed even once in the last nine years.

God blessed us with the kindest, funniest, smartest, most considerate child in the world. He is a wonderful student and a gifted athlete. He works hard, listens eagerly and doesn't question authority. He has slept all night in his own bed since he was 7 weeks old. He is kind to his sister and loves God and his family.

Is he somehow not human? Of course not. I do not love his "all boy" approach to housekeeping or hygiene. I would like for him to spend less time bulding trains out of Legos and more time reading books that challenge him. I am not impressed when he brings home a test that is below his ability because he wanted to finish and go to recess. Our relationship is real, but my love for him is beyond anything I ever even knew was possible.

He seems to good to be true.

And if that's the case then surely I will be smacked in the face with the grim reality of the world any moment now. The harsh unforgiving world that doesn't let perfection linger. The world that knows I have done nothing to deserve something so pure and ideal.

A few years ago I was hysterical quite often because he was not well. He complained constantly of terrible headaches and fatigue. He wasn't eating and when he did he wasn't digesting well. I was convinced that my exposure to perfection was done and he was terminally ill. My fear was absolute. We pursued some testing and counseling and came to the conclusion that his focus on the "right thing" really didn't permit him to accept anyone who was doing the "wrong thing". His anxiety manifested in a very physical way. There was a lot of the "wrong thing" going on in kindergarten and we learned how to help him work through that.

Crisis averted.

I've not had any real fear like that since then, but it's always there. Always threatening me. The more I love him the more I fear that his fate has been determined. I think about all of the the beautiful children that are tragically taken from their families by illness, or meanness or tragedy. You hear it over and over again.

"She was just the brightest star in the universe."

"We were lucky to have him for even a minute."

"God had better plans for him."

Recently I was ordering something from an acquaintance, who was referenced on her sister in law's blog, who referenced her friend who had a perfect son, with a perfect name who was in perfect health. Before he tragically died at the age of 9. Her first born bundle of vibrant perfection is gone forever. Be still my heart.

There is absolutely no reason that I should have been connected to this woman who I don't know. None. I was buying a gift for my brand new niece and there she was talking about "her Max" and how they had to fly home from vacation without him. My heart shattered in a million pieces for her family and makes my hands tremble when I think about my own perfect son.

But I felt a little bit like it was a reminder. A reminder that even if something is too good to be true it should be cherished all the more. To celebrate clean laundry and fish sticks. To stop digging for perfection and linger over bedtime prayers. to be sure and tell everyone you love how much you mean it whenever you get the chance.

If our life is too good to be true I want it to end knowing that we took full advantage while it was here.

EL OH EL

2011-02-15T16:52:00.000-08:00
My boys melt me. I am smitten with my husband for a variety of reasons and my son has ALL of those qualities and then some.

They look alike and I love their liquid brown eyes

They think alike and both overanalyze everything

They talk alike and they are flippin' hee-larious

Yin & Yang

Two peas in a pod

You get it?

So all four of us are in the car and we're driving down the road on Sunday going to The Athlete's baseball practice. Everyone is yammering about something and nothing simultaneously. And then E says something to The Athlete that requires a response and says

"Right Big Guy?"

And IMMEDIATELY The Athlete says

"Right Little Jacket!"

If you don't know what El oh El (LOL) means it means LAUGH OUT LOUD. And just that I did. Chris Farley died five years before my son was ever born, but even he never made me laugh the way those two clowns did in my own car on Sunday. Thank the good lord for my boys and belly laughs. May you Rest in Peace Chris Farley. Your legacy lives on . . .

Love to Love

2011-02-14T16:30:00.000-08:00
There's nothing I love more than love. And there's nothing to love that's any greater than the loves in my life.

Our newest love, Charlotte Brooke, was born on Februrary 10.
SO IN LOVE WITH HER

I love my sweet girlfriends and how much they love me back
even when they have their own loves to love

And I just love, love, love to love my loves in all their sassy sweetness

And it's so lovely to still be IN love with the love of my life
even after 15 years of Valentine's Days

Much Love to you and your Loves
~ xoxo~
Mrs. Montoya

Friday Confessional

2011-02-11T09:24:00.000-08:00
I Confess
It's been another helluva week. I keep waiting for things to get better and I am sort of realizing that I might need to make that happen for myself. And then I think great. Something else that I have to do.

I Confess
Something happened at our house last night that makes me think we are candidates for the Jerry Springer Show. I do not think that's cool.

The Princess was crying, whining, whimpering (or something) in her bed for a long time. I was pissed because I was tired and didn't want to get up. But it was a long time and I thought "must be the real deal".

I put on my Mom pants and went in and gently rubbed her on the back and asked what was the matter. Her head spun around and she hissed at me -
"I'm not telling you"
and then she kicked me. And I said
"eff off. This is ridiculous."

What makes a mother say that to her child?!??! I am horrified. I think I need medication.

I Confess
I have no idea how we will survive adolescence with that girl and me in the house together.

I Confess
I considered calling in sick today so I could get a mani/pedi. I need one that bad. And I am dying to go to the hospital and hold my brand new niece for a long time. Those seemed like perfectly reasonable excuses not to show up for work. I'm sure it's better that I changed my mind.

This weekend will be filled with my family and some good stuff. We need it in the worst way. And I WILL go hold my sweet niece. Happy Friday!!!

Pour Your Heart Out

2011-02-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

We don't fight at my house. I mean fight for real. My kids pile on each other and express themselves too loudly and I have been known to tell my husband he's an idiot. That's not a fight. It's just life.

But last weekend I think we had a fight. And I didn't like it. At all.

I left without saying goodbye {I never do that}

He slept on the couch {He never does that}

We are both completely worn from the struggles of business and the pressure filled cycle of competitive sports and parenting sick kids who need more than we can easily give. And we took it out on each other. That was a bad choice.

When there's a need for a truce I always back down first. Harmony in my home means a lot more to me than proving whatever point I am hung up on at the moment. Saying I'm sorry is never an issue for me. But this time it was a little different somehow. Sorry didn't come, because I wasn't.

I left home on Sunday before he woke up because I had already planned to spend a quiet day in the office to catch up. I worked all day and missed my family. When I called home to say goodnight The Princess had a fever again and I was just so deflated. I wrapped up my last pass at a project and headed home with a cloudy mind and a heavy heart.

As I walked through a very quiet and still house a little blonde streak came running down the hall. I kissed her hard and carried her the rest of the way back to where she came from. The master bedroom was spotless and filled with the smell of baby girl shampoo. Her Daddy had given her a tepid bath in the big tub to help quell her fever and washed her hair for her.

::: big sigh :::

There was no grand gesture or a giant "I'm sorry". But there was a little girl who was getting all the love and care she needed from someone who was just as hurt as me. And that may have been enough. Little girl shampoo and clean sheets is all I need sometimes.

Love you, E <3

In the end, who among us does not choose to be a little less right to be a little less lonely. ~ Robert Brault

Friday Confessional

2011-02-03T21:35:00.001-08:00
I CONFESS

My life feels a lot like it's spinning out of control right now even though I know in my heart it's not so bad.

Two sick kids and a home that looks like squatters have invaded it does not make me a happy camper.

I even told E that I think we should start looking at new houses.

The truth is, if I could actually get this one squeaky clean and organized again I might consider staying.

I CONFESS

There is no such thing as work life balance. Whoever coined that phrase didn't have both. One will always get more attention and the other will suffer in the interim.

My career and my projects mean a lot to me but I could care less about any of it when one of my sweet angels needs their Mama. When something bad happens to them I am immediately consumed with guilt for taking my focus off of them for even a minute.

I know that it's not REALLY my fault that The Athlete has a sinus infection and The Princess is on the couch with a fever of 101*, but it really does feel like my fault when my babies are hurting.

I CONFESS

When I buy Girl Scout cookies I say it's because I am supporting a great organization that I loved when I was a little girl.

The real reason I buy them is because I daydream all year long about the dark chocolate, caramel, coconut ones. Mmmmmm ridiculous, rich goodness.

I CONFESS

I am a disgusted with myself for being such a cranky hag. But I don't even have the weekend to look forward to as redemption for my week.

A baseball meeting, a basketball game and a birthday party (all for 9 years olds, BTW!!) doesn't make much for a leisurely Saturday.

Oh,and the 8 AM meeting on Sunday. Yea, that's really the icing on my pity cake.

What's the truth about you? You can link up with Mamarazzi and Glamazon too and get it all off your chest!! That and some Girl Scout cookies could change your life ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Ten Things - January 2011

2011-02-01T04:41:00.000-08:00

The New Year always brings a sense of anticipation and a little bit of wistful {from me} about another year passing us by. I am certain that we just had teeny tiny babies in our teeny tiny house and none of that is true anymore. We're about to celebrate a 9th birthday and 6 is quickly morphing into sixteen. I don't know what 2011 will bring, but there is always something to smile about around here.

Ten Things to love about January

Fresh starts

Sunny Sundays that felt more like July than January

Quiet moments where I find my two being sweet
without being asked

An unexpected chance to spend time with far away family

Cousins who are growing up together

Getting some serious girlfriend time
More than once

Finally turning in The Athlete's Indian diorama after ~~begging him to stay focused~~ working with him on it
ALL.MONTH.LONG.

Helping them stay close to their Grandparents - even 3,000 miles away

Reading bedtime stories to Nana

So proud of his Granddaddy's USMC uniform
ca. 1968

Getting a glowing report from The Princess' teacher on her reading, her writing, her eager class participation . . .
I guess if she's going to show off somewhere it might as well be school!!!

Cozy nights at home when even the dogs look happy
::aaahhhh::

Today is the day that EmmyMom links us all up for Ten Things. You do it, too!

All Because I Love You

2011-01-31T12:26:00.000-08:00
The passage below came from a girlfriend's Facebook status. It just rang so true with me and reminds me so much of my Dad.

When I was in high school I really thought that the rules did not apply to me. I was bored and restless. As a 15 year old tenth grader I went off campus for lunch almost every day. Sophomores were not supposed to leave campus for lunch. Well, all sophomores but me!! There was a certain day of that year when I came back from off campus lunch and my Dad was sitting in his truck in the parking space right next to us. My Dad was not the person I wanted to see in the parking lot of school. Ever. Subsequently, I ate lunch in the Principal's office for an entire semester after that. Good times. Good times.

Now that I'm a Mom I see that we all do the best we can as parents and sometimes it's a lot less fun than we want it to be. I can only imagine how many parking lots I will sit in waiting for The Princess. Oy vay!

I get it, Daddy. Thank you.

PROMISE TO MY CHILDREN

I will stalk you
freak out on you
lecture you
drive you crazy
be your worst nightmare
embarrass you in front of your friends
hunt you down like a bloodhound...
all because I LOVE YOU.

When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult.
You will never find someone who loves you & cares about you more than your parents!

Friday Confessional ~ Date Night and Dirty Girls

2011-01-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

I Confess

Having kids that are good readers makes me really proud. I am secretly thrilled when I find The Athlete staying up late to finish a chapter or two.

Having kids that tell me I shouldn't drink from a cup that says "Make your own damn dinner" does not make me proud. I wish they couldn't read that.

Or my emails over my shoulder.

Or my text messages from my girlfriends.

I Confess

E and I are due for a date night.

Life is stressful right now and we just feel like worker bees, and housekeepers and check writers.

We need to drink some cocktails and stay up late talking about something besides our kids and the scheduling conflicts we have next week.

I Confess

There are some people in my life right now that I am not sure are worth it.

I am intensely loyal and hold tightly to people that have touched my heart. But I am working a LOT harder lately on them being in my life than they are. I'm not sure how much longer that can last.

Even the idea of it makes me sad.

I Confess

My daughter and I are oil and water sometimes. Or we could just be the same person in different packages. I dunno.

She's developed a significant disdane for showering lately. I don't quite get it since getting beautiful is her FAVORITE.THING.EVER. but I guess she doesn't make the connection that you gotta be clean, too.

Just in case I was wondering how she really felt about taking a shower this week, she wrote a letter.

And "I mene never in my hole live" have I been so damn afraid of a kindergartener.

HAPPY FRIDAY, Friends. Go see Mamarazzi and Glamazon or more Friday confessionals. They'll make your day.

Every Coach is a Life Coach

2011-01-26T04:33:00.000-08:00

The month of January makes me hyper sensitive to young athletes and the men (and women) that are spending time with them when their parents are not. My son plays basketball, has baseball tryouts and starts track in January. My husband spends countless hours this month coaching, practicing and playing basketball with boys our son's age and with the 7th grade team he has coached for three years. He also makes time to watch other games that are coached by his friends. All of them good men, but none of them is truly prepared to add "Life Coach" to their business cards that already read "Dad, Brother, Husband, Bartender, Lawn Man, Dog Groomer, Analyst" . . . It's temporary and time is volunteered. They're just coaches. Or not.

Remember when I talked about the baseball coach that was so deserving of an attitude adjustment from me? The one who was going to make me be That Mom? Well, I remember him. It's been almost a year since The Athlete played for him and I have not (nor will I) forget how much of an impact he had on our family that spring. A negative impact.

Coach B taught my son that if you weren't successful in every position and every at bat that there must be a problem that needed fixing. He taught him that being big was always superior to being small and full of heart. He taught him that no matter how hard he tried or how much he cared he was not going to be part of his A Team. He taught all of us a lesson that season. Given the opportunity again I would shield my son from that sort of lesson at his age, but we did learn.

Then there was another coach. Coach TJ. He taught The Athlete some different lessons. He taught my son confidence and shared skills that he sought in players as a college recruiter. He taught my son to play hard but not to count runs, wins or losses. He taught him to play his hardest and always have a good time in the process. He taught him how to accept failures graciously and hold on to them as learning opportunities.

E came home before his basketball game on Saturday and told me that The Athlete looked really great at baseball tryouts that morning. My son told me that he saw Coach TJ in the field watching him.  Less than an hour later I got a note from TJ

Mrs M

Boy did The Athlete look fantastic today at tryouts. I told all the coaches what a great kid he is; made the old coach proud. Keep up the good work

TJ

Any coach can teach our kids the proper stance at bat, which angle to run in to accurately field a fly ball and where he should aim for on the backboard for that perfect shot. At this stage in the game I am comfortable that my son could actually find all of those things through google.

But those aren't the lessons that my son is going to take with him beyond Pony League and my husband's seventh graders will take to high school. The lessons they'll leave with are the lessons about honor, and sportsmanship and effort. Good or bad, intentional or not our children are learning from their coaches every day. Every encounter is a learning opportunity and I am eternally grateful for men like TJ and my husband. Men that understand the impact that they are having on the next generation long after the sweat has dried on their jerseys. Men that know they are life coaches, even without the title.

"It is not how big you are; it's how big you play"

In The Lord's House

2011-01-24T10:10:00.001-08:00
Sunday came and went again and our family was not at mass. At the end of the week we are tired. There is cleaning to be done and a project to be finished. Yet again, 9 AM mass didn't happen.

Then today my back is out {again} and I am piled in bed with an ice pack and a terrible attitude. Feeling limited in any way is a problem for me. I do not want to be in bed when I do not want to be in bed. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.

And although I was not in the Lord's house this weekend he came to mine today. And he brought Maddie James.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/madeleinejames

Maddie is a 5 year old kindergartener and is friends with The Princess' "boyfriend". Our little friend's Mom asked us to pray for her last weekend after a sudden and devastating diagnosis of an inoperable, malignant brain tumor called DIPG. I can't even allow this little girl into my consciousness without tearing up and immediately wanting to hug and kiss my children endlessly until I'm certain they're whole and well.

The Lord brought her to me today as a reminder to get over myself. I am certain of that. I can just be the most rotten spoiled brat sometimes and sweet Maddie might not get the chance. I get it.

Please pray for Maddie. Perhaps if not for healing then for comfort and peace for her and her parents in the coming months. And if you need to get over yourself, too. Do it. ASAP.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Friday Confessional

2011-01-21T12:26:00.000-08:00

I Confess

One of the reasons I don’t cook at home more is because I am too tired to clean up after my family.

Last night I swept food off the counter and directly onto the floor for clean up.

I knew the dog would find it before I get a chance to sweep again.

I Confess

That I desperately want to finish The Athlete's Indian project for him.

Not because he’s not doing it the way that I want him to. No.

It’s because I think he’s learned the value of hard work in the THREE WEEKS that we’ve been working on it. Yep, that’s why.

I Confess

My blog layout and header got totally screwed up when I was trying to give it a little New Year's spruce I can’t figure out how to restore it to it’s former glory.

I almost don’t care.

That’s a lie. It’s driving me nuts and I just don’t know when I’ll have a chance to do it unless I am willing to forego bedtime soon.

I’m not willing to forego bedtime anytime soon.

I Confess

Sometimes I make inappropriate generalizations based on gender, race or sex.

I know that’s inappropriate.

However, if one more slick little asian man walks into our office building ahead of me and lets the door slam in my face I will embarrass him by kicking his ass.

I know that’s inappropriate.

And I don’t care.

So THEY (Glamazon and Mamarazzi) say confession is good for the soul. So confess and link up. Don't forget to add the SUPER cute button.

Pour Your Heart Out

2011-01-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

My friend Kellie just told me she's not blogging lately because there's not anything she's passionate enough about that she wants to share in writing. Amen, sista! I LOVE my blog, but in the middle of the days that are a blur of lunch boxes, traffic, conference calls and the grocery store there really aren't a lot of things that are worthy of the attention a blog post would command.

Then I heard about Shell's "Pour Your Heart Out" and tonight it's the perfect outlet for my misplaced frustration and heavy heart. Tonight, of all nights, I have to pour my heart out about two sweet you know who's ~ of course.

There's nothing in the whole entire gigantic world that matters more to me than being a parent to them.

Nothing

No One (sorry, E!!)

Anywhere

Being their Mom is the reason I get out of bed, make lunches, sit in traffic, ~~pretend to be interested~~ engage fully on conference calls and go to the grocery store.

Them

Those Two

Him and Her

And anytime I am not with them or they're sleeping it's all I think about. But they don't sleep much. And I end up feeling like a failure as a Mother most of the time.

I am not patient. I yell too much. I don't cook enough vegetables or make ants on logs out of peanut butter, celery and raisins. I threaten consequences for swampy bathroom floors and unpacked backpacks. I send them to bed without kisses and prayers when I am at the end of my rope.

And I loathe myself for being that person as often as I am

They are so good. And funny. And talented. And sweet. And smart. And they're still young enough that they WANT ME TO HELP THEM. In the essence of Pour Your Heart Out I am heartbroken even as I type. They WANT ME TO HELP THEM and on too many days I am just spent. The selfish thirty something that went to work at 6 AM and has traffic court tomorrow can't keep it together until 8 PM to do whatever they ask. I can't curb my innate sense of whateverness long enough to help with a Venn Diagram and a butterfly graph.

That.Really.Sucks.

I did pray tonight, and read Henry and the Buccaneer Bunnies with her and have "Talk Night" with him, but it should have been more. They deserved more, but all of my more got sucked up before they got me. I knew it and I fought it and felt guilty even as I tried to salvage something for them. Always guilty.

I want them to move confidently in the world and get good grades. I want them to be the kids that are always welcomed by other parents because of their impeccable manners. I want them to make good choices when they don't want to listen to me anymore. I want them to be the very best versions of them they can be.

I want them to know how much I love them.

Those Two

Him and Her

In a Moment

2011-01-16T21:30:00.001-08:00
Our weekend has been good. The degree of good varies by moment.

Friday found me in my PJs all.day.long. nursing a nasty cold, the flu . . . something. The day was made up of strained conference calls, E pinch hitting for my parenting duties and nothing really terrific.

Saturday was full of Dayquil and errands and basketball and laundry. I sliced open my thumb and asked E to buy me some skin glue on his way home from the store. I didn't need it after all. We scrambled to get spiffy because we had a sitter coming so we could celebrate his Aunt and Uncle's joint surprise party for their birthdays.

More Dayquil and some extra blush turned into a really great time with our family. We danced and had cocktails and then we shared cheese fries at 2 am. The Princess got her hair braided and her toes painted. The Athlete got a crush :) It was a good night for all of us.

Sunday was perfectly lazy. A sunny walk for us and bike ride for them at the beach. The kids got ice cream and only some of us showered. Something about the pending holiday silently gives me permission me leave the last load of whites in the dryer. I invited my BFF over to drink wine and watch the Golden Globes. We critiqued dresses and gossiped for a couple of hours. I hugged her tight and closed the front door thinking about how happy and lucky I am.

And then I got an email. From another friend. On behalf of her friend. Who has a 5 year old. Who was diagnosed just this morning with an inoperable malignant brain tumor. I am speechless, but I promised to pray.

And in a moment my ordinary, Dayquil filled, errand running, sunny Sunday weekend was magnificent. My blessings were greater and my children were more precious than they had been just the hour earlier.

A moment. Just one moment. Bedtime will last a little longer tonight.

Love who you love
And say that you do
Hold on as tight as they'll let you

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